It’s crazy how life happens, you know.
You never quite know how things are going to end up. It’s kinda like my daddy says, ‘Don’t unpack all your stuff whenever life takes you some place new because you never know when you’ll need to uproot.’ I used to think that was the craziest statement ever, but as I get older it makes sense. You never want to give anyone all of your emotional baggage and you never put all of your eggs in one basket. You never know when that stuff can be used against you or when all of your hard work can come crashing down.
I wrote in my last blog on Curves, Curls, and Cake that people are ever-evolving. No one has arrived at anything yet. Every choice we make, good or bad, takes us to the next step of our development. I think I have made some pretty good choices in my life so far. Since I still have more living to do, I will be careful to continue to choose wisely. I always want my later to be greater.
But even this control freak can’t control everything. I’ve come to accept that. So I’ll just keep the words to the Serenity Prayer floating around in my mind:
“God, help me to accept the things I cannot change…
The courage to change the things I can…
And the wisdom to know the difference.”
I’ll especially need help with that last part, Lord.
“No, Mom, I don’t know why they want to meet with me.” Parker took a sip of her latte and leaned back in her chair. “Yes, I’m nervous. There’s been a lot of drama over here lately…Yes, I prayed about it…I know I shouldn’t worry if I prayed about it Mama, but still… Ok, ok. I’ll let it go…How is me having a date to Tricie’s wedding on the subject?!...” She laughed as she looked down at her clock, counting down the minutes to her meeting. “Trust me, there is no one here at this office that I would ever go to McDonald’s with let alone my sister’s wedding…And if I don’t find a date I’m still gonna look fantastic, thank you so much!... Ok, Mama, ok. I will try to find a date…I said try, I can’t make promises. But I have to go, it’s two o’clock….Thank you, I appreciate your prayers…I love you too, Mama…Ok, bye.” Parker put her phone in her drawer and sat at her desk for a moment. It had been a few months since the first round of layoffs when her firm was bought out and Trina had been promoted. Since that time, she had worked extra hard in order to keep her position in place. I know Mama said pray and don’t worry, but I’m worried. Trina has been trying to get me out of here since we first started right out of college. She took moment to check her appearance in the mirror, making sure that her appearance was on point. Ok, Lord, give me strength to handle and grace to accept. Whatever it will be will be in my best interest. I have to remember that. Parker began walking down the hall to Gerald’s office. Whatever will be will be in my best interest. I trust….You’ve got to be kidding me! Parker’s heart dropped as she saw Trina sitting in Gerald’s office. She took a deep breath to compose herself before anyone noticed her initial expression and knocked on the door to announce her arrival. “Gerald, you wanted to see me?”
My dad used to say that every dog has his day.
I guess the same is true with people. That’s where they get the ‘fifteen minutes of fame’ statement from. While some people like myself don’t like the spotlight, other people live for it. They do whatever they need to do to stay in it, not caring about who they hurt to get there. And while they are there, they carelessly drink it all in. They bask in the glow of temporary approval and adoration. They live for every second that they hold the world captive. And they forget that when it is over, it’s over – never to be regained again.
Those people can’t live with that. And they definitely can’t live with the consequences that come afterward.
One thing I know is true – what goes around comes around. The same people you hurt, you have to pass on the way back down. That’s why I try to live my life in a way that no matter what happens, my highs and my lows are lived with the same grace and decorum that a woman should always have. Sometimes the girls think that I play it too safe, that I don’t risk much, and that I stay in bad situations too long because I’m scared to find out what else the rest of the world can bring. But I’d rather be safe and sane than silly and sorry. I hate to say it like that, but it’s the truth. And while I know that some risks – like being alone for the first time in a long time – need to be taken, I refuse to do things that I might regret. I don’t like living with regrets. I can’t afford to make foolish mistakes like that. I’m not a kid anymore.
But some people don’t believe that fat meat is greasy…
“A toast,” Tony raised his champagne glass, “to my beautiful wife Lydia who, in a few short months, will make me a father all over again.” Everyone in attendance raised their glasses except for Lydia, who simply smiled uncomfortably. Tony looked at her and smiled. “Baby, you and I have had a rough year. I know I put you through a lot, was away a lot, and wasn’t there for you and the boys like you deserve. But when I think about how blessed I am to have a wife at home who loves and supports me, it makes me work extra hard to make sure that I keep a smile on your face. Happy 7th Anniversary, Lydee.” Smiles and applause came from everyone in attendance. “Ok, enough of this mushy stuff. You all came for a party, so enjoy yourselves!” The Dj turned the music back and people began to head back to the dance floor. Tony made his way back to Lydia, who was sitting at a table sipping on some ginger ale. “You look beautiful tonight, did I tell you that?”
“Yes, you did.” Lydia said in a distant tone. “But thank you…”
I don’t like being in awkward situations. And I don’t like drama.
Ever since I saw Lydia out with Calvin, it’s been very difficult for me to be around her. I feel so fake. Everyone knows Lydia is a huge flirt, including Tony. This time she’s taken it too far. She denies having an affair with this man, but anyone can see that’s not the truth. And then there’s Urie. That sad-sack of an individual that she calls a man is about one step away from having a meeting with my fist since she is too scared to do it. Parker never really has too much going on drama wise, so I’m never worried about her. But here I am, trying to get into my new relationship with David and all this crap is going on around me. Add that with preparing for finals and I am a mess.
I guess I just have to remind myself that what’s done in the dark always comes to the light. And since I’m not God, I can’t shine the sun on anyone. It’s not my job.
But still, I wish I had the courage…
“Is Eva doing ok?...Oh, she is? Good, good. I’m glad she got a chance to spend some time with her cousins. She’s been asking to come down there for a minute…Me? Oh, I’m fine. Just went and picked up some dinner…Well, yeah, I’m a little upset that I couldn’t come down, but I’ll be there for the reunion…Tell Yolanda I heard that!” Urie laughed loudly as she cut herself a piece of cake, walked back into her living room, and sat down on the couch. “Yeah, ok, tell her I love her too…Alright, by Nita.” Urie hung up the phone and sat down on the couch. As Urie got ready to take a bite of her homemade chocolate cake, she stopped. Is this really what my life has come down to? I never go anywhere or do anything! I’m going out tonight! I mean, why not! What’s the alternative, sit here and get fatter? Not gonna happen. Urie set the cake down and grabbed her phone to call Parker.
For the record, I regret nothing.
You can’t expect someone to hold on forever until you get yourself together. A lot of men seem to miss this point. Now me personally, I’ve told Tony several times what I need and expect, so he is not unaware. It’s only natural that I jump on the opportunity to be with someone who gives me not part but all of what I need. Calvin supports me. He understands me. He listens to me. And frankly, he makes my toes curl.
Now I’m not saying that I’ll be leaving Tony. I’m not crazy. Tony is stable, and he thinks the world of our boys. As long as he keeps a check coming in this house, then I’m satisfied. And I do love him. Really. I just don’t desire him like that right now. What happens between us at this point is strictly out of marital obligation, at least until Tony can show me that he wants this marriage as bad as he used to.
I miss the dinners out. I miss the flowers. I miss the ‘I love you’ calls in the middle of the afternoon. When he was just a lawyer making six figures, our relationship was fine. But now that he is actively pursing being a well-known sports and entertainment attorney, he never has time for our boys and never has time for me. Maybe if he was at home more, I’d want him the way I used to. But I can’t want what’s not there. My imagination just ain’t that great.
I’ll cut things off with Calvin when I get bored. Right now, it’s something to do that I like to do. No one has to know but him and me. And when our time is passed, we will go our separate ways.
But for right now, I’m loving it. All of it. Who says you can’t have your cake and eat it to?
“I don’t see what’s the problem is.”
“You never see what the problem is,” Urie took a sip of her tea as she curled up under her blanket, “because you don’t see anything wrong with dating multiple men at one time. Lydia, not everyone can just separate their emotions from their heart like you do.”
“You make me sound so heartless.” Lydia laughed as she continued to put on her make-up. “Glad I’m not easily offended.”
“You also don’t easily recognize a bad idea when one pops up but we don’t count that against you either.” Sydney said as she opened the keys to her apartment.
“No one asked you.”
“I asked myself, thanks.”
It’s hard being in love with someone who you know is all wrong for you and being in serious like with the perfect person.
Bryce and I have an amazing time when we hang out. And while he understands that any interaction that we have is only as friends or co-workers, I know he wants more. And so do I.
What I really want is my sanity back. I want to be able to tell Eva that everything is going to be ok and mean it. I want to be sure that if I walk away from Jackson, he is going to be a real man and take care of his daughter. And most of all, I want to be sure that I can be alone without having a mental breakdown.
Maybe my therapist was right. Maybe I do need to spend some quality time by myself. I think I lost sight of that the moment I made my life about everyone else.
But when do I get to think about what I want?
“Thank you for dinner last night.” Lydia stretched out on the bed as the sunlight pushed through the blinds. “Their lasagna was almost as good as mine.”
“Was dinner all you enjoyed?”
“The music and coffee were good too?” Both Lydia and Calvin laughed. “Come on now, Calvin. You know what I think about how you put it down.”
“That’s my bad girl.”
“You love it.” Lydia paused as she heard footsteps come toward the bedroom door. “Hold on.” She shoved the phone inside her pillowcase as Tony walked in. He let out a deep sigh of fatigue as she set down his suitcase. After noticing Lydia lying on the bed, he immediately began to smile. Lydia cringed as he left the items lying in the middle of the floor. “So you’re just gonna leave those there, huh?”
Every time I prepare to go out of the house, I have the same ritual.
After showering, I look at myself in the mirror and tell myself how absolutely gorgeous I am.
From there, I slide on my foundations. Ok, slide is a nice way to put it. It’s more like a hilarious dance of jerking, yanking, and rolling. By the time I get finished, I have a gorgeous curvy shape and sore arms. I then stand in front of my closet for a good five minutes trying to decide what I’m going to put on by narrowing down my choices to if I’m bloated, sexy, or too lazy to iron. Once my outfit is on, my hair in place, and a natural amount of make-up perfected, I go out to face the day.
Now I could be the kind of woman that chooses to wear low-cut tops and tiny skirts but I refuse to. I’m aware of how sensual my curves are. Oh some men may pretend like they don’t think a full-figured woman is beautiful, but they know the power and appeal of our curves. And unlike some women who let sex speak for them, my intellect speaks for me. I’m the whole package.
Ok, maybe I’m feeling myself a little bit too much today. But I think I deserve to. Curves, Curls, and Cake just got some major sponsors to buy permanent add space, which is going to help boost my following and finances. Checks have been coming in right on time from InTheKnow, and despite the fact that I have a witch for a manager, things at the job have been going well. To top it off, I have a date for the Dreams Inc. gala tonight. Some guy that Sydney is setting me up with. I should be nervous about that, but for some reason I’m not. The worst that could happen is that he’s a troll. At least I would’ve had a good laugh.
Man, I love being me sometimes…
“Wow, Parker, you actually look nice today.”
Parker rolled her eyes as Trina, dressed in a short black skirt and a fitted blouse, walked into her office and sat on the edge of her desk. Uninvited entry for a backward compliment. How nice. “Is there something you need, Trina?”
I hate being broke.
I know it’s something that most people deal with at one point in their lives, but I wish I could be exempt. Thanks to my wonderful former employer, I am now stretching unemployment as far as it can go.
But I’m not bitter; not at all. Focusing on this second Master’s degree has become my full-time job. I make ends meet by doing modeling and acting gigs around the city. My rent is always paid, the gas and lights are still on, and clearly I’ve been eating good because I’ve gained 10 pounds. I am thankful for all of my blessings.
But sometimes I wish I could do a little more for myself. For example, I would
love to have someone in my life to love. Oh, there are guys that I date, and they love them some Sydney, but it’s not the same as having a real commitment. Honestly, I don’t have time for a relationship, but it would be nice to have one as an option. And even if I did have that option, my
heart is set on holding out for the one I am destined for. Maybe it’s just my spirit of discernment kicking in
Or maybe it’s me coping with the fact that I may have missed the boat…
“No, it’s not that I didn’t have a good time, Maurice, it’s that…. Mmm hmmm, I know but…” Sydney rolled her eyes as she shoved another handful of cheese and caramel corn in her mouth, being careful to mute the phone so that he gentleman on the other line did not hear her smacking. “Maurice, sweetie, calm down. I am not trying to lead you on. I made it clear that I was a very busy woman and that I don’t have time for a relationship. I study and I gig, and I gig a lot so my calendar is always booked so…No, that does not mean I’m on bull and I’d appreciate if you did not cuss at me…Look, look, Maurice, I apologize for making you upset, but I did not lie to you. I said we could be friends, hang out, and see where it goes. But both you and I know that we have nothing in common and…” She pulled muted the phone and pulled it away from her ear. Why can’t I just be a rude chick, cuss this dude out, and get it over with?… “Yes, Maurice, I’m still here, but now I am about to go, because I already warned you not to cuss at me … And you wonder why I don’t want to make this work… Ok, that’s about all I can deal with, Maurice. Have a good day. Bye.” She hung up before she could hear another word. After sliding her phone back in the pocket of her jeans, she wiped the crumbs from her popcorn on a napkin and tossed it in a nearby garbage can. Welp, another one bites the dust. She laughed to herself as she stuffed another handful of popcorn into her mouth. And I really thought that one had some potential. I guess that’s what happens when you meet people in random places and give them your number. Last time I trust someone I meet at Wal-Mart…
I wish music didn’t tell all of my business.
Perfect example: Last week I went to the grocery store to pick up some things that Eva and I needed. Everything was fine until ‘Emotional Rollercoaster’ by Vivian Green came on. I cried like a baby. It would’ve been ok had a little girl not said out loud “Look, mommy, that lady’s crying!” and drew the attention of everyone in the cookie aisle. At least she came up to me and offered a tissue. I guess that cleaned it up some.
Maybe I allow things to affect me too much. Actually it’s not things – just Jackson. I spend so much time thinking about what he wants and needs that I forget our relationship should be about us. Add in Eva and her pre-teen issues and what you have left is an over-emotional, cookie-eating mess.
My therapist says that I should do some self-evaluation, set boundaries, and possibly spend some time alone. But what does she know? I haven’t been alone since I was sixteen years old. I wouldn’t know how to operate outside of a relationship. And anyway, Jack is all I know. I love him, and sometimes I want to hurt him, but I don’t want to leave him. So I’ve concluded that she just wants me to spend more money than I have for sessions that I may or may not need.
I’ll just get a new therapist…
…and more cookies.
“If we don’t do our paper by Friday, what’s gon' happen?”
“Then you’ll be spending another year in the 10th grade, Steven.”
The class pointed and laughed loudly, which made the young man angry and embarrassed. “Miss Glenn, come on, that ain’t funny!”
People think I’m selfish. I’ll own that. But I’m selfish for a reason.
My first priority is, has always been, and will always be me. Period. You can’t be anything to anyone else if you aren’t everything to yourself first. If I can’t make myself happy, then everyone else will have to wait. That includes my husband and two twin boys
Here is my point of view: I am 28 years old – 25 and holding to anyone who doesn’t know me – and I refuse to dye my hair for any reason other than I want a richer shade of brown. I’m young, sexy, and business-minded. Limiting myself to the titles of wife and mother does me an injustice. I want to enjoy myself before my skin starts to wrinkle and menopause sets in.
So if I spend $500 on a pair of shoes, so be it.
If I get my hair and nails done at the most expensive spa in the city, so be it.
If I flirt with sexy men who find me irresistible, so be it.
Wait, did I say that out loud?
“What time will you need us to be there?”
“Us?” Calvin asked while sipping a cup of coffee. “I thought you were a one-woman operation?”
“I have associates that work with me. Even I understand the importance of working with others.”
“You mean managing others. The chefs work for you.” Calvin reached out and touched the top of Lydia’s hand and smiled at the slight blush that followed from her. “So, is lunch to your liking?”
“Yes, thank you. We really could’ve talked about this over though phone, Calvin.”
“I prefer to discuss business in person.”
Let me explain something to you – ain’t nothin’ ever been cute about pink leather leggings, especially on big girls.
That’s pretty much the only thing I thought when I saw Lydia’s choice in a birthday outfit. Now before you start asking ‘Who are you to say what is or is not cute?!’, let me explain something about myself. I am the editor-in-chief of Curves, Curls, and Cake, a blog that caters specifically to today’s full-figured woman. So far, my blog has become a very credible source for life, fashion, and entertainment advice. So I’d like to think I know a little something when it comes to what’s fashionable.
Of course you can’t tell Lydia that…
"And that's when I had to tell her about herself! I mean, seriously, she came in carrying a Dolce bag from two seasons ago. Did she really think she was going to come at me all wrong and I would not say something?" Lydia flung her hair back and laughed loudly. The other women, all wealthy housewives from her children's school, laughed in the same pretentious manner. One of the other women made a comment, to which Lydia replied a loud and hearty, "I know right!" before excusing herself from the group. She strutted proudly across the room in her five inch Jimmy Choo stilettos, allowing her curvy hips to sway to the beat of the music. Her long hair hung just below her shoulders in perfect ringlets, and she made sure that everyone knew that her hair was real by swinging it every chance she could. Lydia seemed perfectly comfortable gliding through the crowd, stopping to shake hands and give fake hugs to her birthday party attendees. When she finally arrived at the table where her girls sat, Lydia put her hands on her hips and shook her head. "So, do you all plan on getting up and enjoying yourselves or are you afraid that the table is gonna fly away?"
About PLUS Inc.
PLUS Inc. is a multi-character drama following the lives of four friends. Taking place in Chicago, IL., the ladies – Parker, Lydia, Urie, and Sydney – face life as they hold each other up through the bonds of friendship.
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