Chapter Seven: "Don't go with what's in your face..."

For the record, I regret nothing.
 
You can’t expect someone to hold on forever until you get yourself together.  A lot of men seem to miss this point.  Now me personally, I’ve told Tony several times what I need and expect, so he is not unaware.  It’s only natural that I jump on the opportunity to be with someone who gives me not part but all of what I need.  Calvin supports me.  He understands me.  He listens to me.  And frankly, he makes my toes curl.
 
Now I’m not saying that I’ll be leaving Tony.  I’m not crazy.  Tony is stable, and he thinks the world of our boys.  As long as he keeps a check coming in this house, then I’m satisfied. And I do love him.   Really.  I just don’t desire him like that right now.  What happens between us at this point is strictly out of marital obligation, at least until Tony can show me that he wants this marriage as bad as he used to.
 
I miss the dinners out.  I miss the flowers.  I miss the ‘I love you’ calls in the middle of the afternoon.  When he was just a lawyer making six figures, our relationship was fine.   But now that he is actively pursing being a well-known sports and entertainment attorney, he never has time for our boys and never has time for me.  Maybe if he was at home more, I’d want him the way I used to.  But I can’t want what’s not there.  My imagination just ain’t that great.
 
I’ll cut things off with Calvin when I get bored.  Right now, it’s something to do that I like to do.  No one has to know but him and me.  And when our time is passed, we will go our separate ways.
 
But for right now, I’m loving it.  All of it.  Who says you can’t have your cake and eat it to?
 
 
                                                                                                                             -  Lydia



 
“I don’t see what’s the problem is.”
 
“You never see what the problem is,” Urie took a sip of her tea as she curled up under her blanket, “because you don’t see anything wrong with dating multiple men at one time.  Lydia, not everyone can just separate their emotions from their heart like you do.”
 
“You make me sound so heartless.”  Lydia laughed as she continued to put on her make-up.  “Glad I’m not easily offended.”
 
“You also don’t easily recognize a bad idea when one pops up but we don’t count that against you either.” Sydney said as she opened the keys to her apartment. 
 
“No one asked you.”
 
“I asked myself, thanks.”
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